


Pink Rabbits

by orphan_account



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Break Up, Character Death Fix, Fix-It, Hurt Tony Stark, M/M, Post-Break Up, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-09-15 18:50:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16938741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "I'm so surprised you wanna dance with me now, I was just getting used to living life without you around."Title credit: Pink Rabbits//The National





	Pink Rabbits

Once upon a time, they were madly in love. That’s how Tony describes his relationship with Steve Rogers to those closest to him when they ask. That is, on the rare occasion that he answers their concerned questions at all. Still, despite what his friends seem to think, Tony is trying to move on from Steve. Just because his efforts have been fruitless doesn’t mean they’ve been lacking. He  _ is  _ trying, and yet all he can bring himself to say about Steve without wanting to throw something is that there was a time when his love for the Captain was deep and indescribable. He’s sure that Steve felt the same way, but that does little to curb the acidic pain of betrayal. His heart might completely give up if he doesn’t move on soon; he feels so empty aside from the deep rage that sometimes brings him to tears. It’s been ten years since Afghanistan, five since the electromagnet was removed from his chest. Until Steve left, he’d forgotten how it felt to have shrapnel in his chest. He’d rather have the shrapnel from a missile built by his own scientific genius in his heart than the shrapnel of his fractured relationship.

It’s been hard this past year. He feels betrayed, and vengeful, and significantly alone. He’s so angry, because he can’t help but wonder if he ever meant as much to Steve as Steve meant to him? Steve was everything to Tony. Everything. He showed Tony everything good in the world. He showed him faith and love and truth. He taught Tony how to dance, and run, and exist outside of his life as a genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist. God, he is so lost without Steve, and he resents him for that. Resents him for leaving someone he once claimed to love high and dry with nothing but a phone he knew well enough that Tony would never use. Steve is probably doing fine, too, which just pisses Tony off more. This is the Steve who was grieving for love lost with Peggy Carter when Tony met him. Truth be told, Tony was a consolation prize, and he can’t fault Steve for that, no matter how much he wants to. Tony is a government puppet. A stupid, irresponsible asshole. He’s not half the man Steve is. Steve still loved him, though, and Tony wishes he never did. It would hurt less that way.

Peter, and Pepper, and Rhodey keep coming to the lab trying to make him eat and shower. There’s no use. Nothing will drown out the taste of regret and betrayal. Nothing will wash away the dirty feeling of being used and discarded. They would all be better off on team Cap, far away from Tony Stark’s poison touch.

-

“Captain!” Shuri’s excited voice rings through the lab, and Steve turns where he’s standing to face her. “I’ve finished repairs on your shield. Would you like to take a look before you leave?”

“Thank you, Shuri,” he says. “I’m sure you’ve made some changes. Why don’t you show me before I test it out?”

She starts talking, but he’s not listening. Some days are easier than others, and today is a bad day. He’s alternating rapidly between crushing guilt, anger, and grief. He still can’t believe he left Tony high and dry to deal with the fallout of Steve’s mistakes on top of his own. Sure, he gave him the phone in case of an emergency, but he gave it to him knowing it was an empty gesture. Tony will always be too proud to use it. That’s something Steve has always resented about him.

There are so many things he loved - loves - about Tony, though. He loves how Tony listens to reason. As often as they disagree, Tony is often the more responsible and calculating of the two. He thinks things through. He takes the path that he believes will hurt the least amount of people. He and Steve almost always disagree about what that path is, but Tony follows his logic every time. Steve tends to follow his gut, but he can trust Tony to follow his brain.

He loves his sense of humor. Tony can make a joke of anything, and he still admires that. He even admires it when he’s watching the evening news and Tony is making jokes about his fallout with Captain America even though Steve and everyone else who knows Tony can clearly see the rage in his eyes. His loud mouth is skilled at masking the soreness of the subject at hand. Truth be told, though, most of the things that originally drew Steve to Tony are the same things that wore down his patience over time.

One thing Steve could never get sick of - something about Tony that he’ll always miss - is his unending kindness. Philanthropist is probably the most fitting in the long list of descriptors Tony uses for himself, and Steve thinks he doesn’t even realize how fitting it is. In the time he’s known the man, Steve has seen him grow from a selfish child into a man who puts everyone above himself in a big way. Being selfless isn’t about donating millions to charity and calling it a day, and no one knows that like Tony. Steve has seen him dedicate more hours to helping his friends as well as complete strangers than he’s even seen him spend in the lab. He doesn’t think even he’s given so much of himself to others as Tony has, and he’s Captain America.

He resents Tony’s stubbornness. He’s angry and hurt that he was willing to give up the love of his life over a fucking treaty, or whatever you want to call the Accords, but behind all that frustration and rage, Steve just misses him. He misses him because he still loves him, and he can’t hate Tony no matter how hard he tries. He knows that behind all his infuriating contradiction of Steve is a deep care for people. That’s what it’s all about. Tony doesn’t want anyone else to get hurt by the so-called ‘recklessness’ of the Avengers, and Steve loves that about him no matter how much he disagrees.

-

“Do you think you’ll ever have kids?” It’s the one question that Tony never expected to be asked in an interview, whether for Stark Industries or Iron Man, and his reaction is immediate and unsuspectingly visceral. His heart feels like it’s constricting from sadness, and he tries to maintain a calm exterior in spite of the mix of anger and grief he’s feeling.

The truth is he’s spent a lot of time thinking of having kids, but he’ll never say that to the interviewer. No, it would be humiliating to answer even though the media has no way of really knowing the depth of his past relationship with Steve. The people he loves watch these interviews sometimes, and he doesn’t want them to see the pain on his face when he says that he always wanted kids. It’s not that Peter isn’t like a son to him. God knows that with Steve gone and Tony’s feelings for him anything but, Peter might be the closest he ever gets to a child of his own. It’s just that he used to dream of what it would be like to have a normal life with Steve. It was never possible. Two superheroes could never settle down like everyone else. It would be a feat for them to even come out. He just…

As embarrassing as it is, he just wanted to have a kid with Steve. He just wanted to be a family. The thought makes him suddenly angrier than he’s felt since his final moments with Steve. It’s so unfair that he left Tony to deal with all the press and fallout from their fight, but it’s even more unfair that he also has to deal with humiliating questions like this while he hides out like a coward. All of these feelings flash through his heart in just a few moments, and then he puts on a brave face and answers the question. Business as usual.

“I guess I haven’t thought about it much,” he says, a bold-faced lie, but these tabloid reporters are dumb as bricks. They can’t tell the truth from a lie; it’s literally their job. She keeps talking without questioning his answer.

“What about that kid you’ve been photographed with around the city? There’s been speculation that he’s an illegitimate child from an affair you had in the 90s.” Tony actually laughs at that, and his laugh is genuine for the first time in a while. If there’s anything that can revive his sense of humor, he figures it’s a stupid question like that.

“God, no,” he says through sardonic laughter. “Peter is an intern at Stark Industries. His father is dead, but very much accounted for.”   
  
“So he’s just an intern? Some sources believe that it’s more of a paternal relationship than that.”   
  
“I would consider him a friend, if you’re looking for a descriptor beyond the professional. The kid is brilliant. I started out mentoring him, but he’s definitely outdone me by now.”   
  
“Thank you for your time, Mr. Stark,” the interviewer says. “I have just a couple more questions for you. It’s been two years since Captain America went AWOL, and he’s wanted by the American government for treason. Have you spoken to him or anyone from his team?”   
  
With that, Tony’s lightened mood becomes heavy again. He frowns and feels his stomach turn. His heart drops. Standard operating procedure whenever someone brings up Steve. He should be used to it by now, but he still feels nauseous and hot with anger.

“No,” he says shortly. “But if I had spoken to an international fugitive, I don’t think it would be wise to announce it to the world.”   


“What would you say to Steve Rogers if you could speak to him again?”

Tony looks directly at the camera and says, loud and clear, “Fuck you, Steve.”

-

The call comes in just after Steve sees the interview. He likes to check in on Tony from time to time - call it nostalgia, or love, or whatever - and he sees this particular video a week after it’s posted. It leaves him with a bitter taste in his mouth, and he almost hates Tony for just a moment. Almost. ‘Fuck you, too, asshole,’ he thinks. At least he has a little tact not to say it out loud. He doesn’t recognize the number with a foreign country code, which means it’s one of the rogue Avengers. As much as they hated that label at first, they’ve embraced it now. It’s accurate enough.

“Steve,” he says after hitting the green answer button.

“Steve.” It’s Natasha, and he’s shocked to hear her voice. He hasn't heard from her in almost a year. She’s panting for breath and he thinks he hears the telltale whir of an aircraft in the background. “We have to go, now. Call it Avengers business. I’m landing now; come outside.”

“You’re not the funny type, Romanov,” Steve answers dryly. “It doesn’t suit you.”   
  
“You’re right,” she says. “I’m not joking. This is end-of-the-world shit. I don’t think S.H.I.E.L.D is gonna have the choice to arrest us. We need to go now. Bruce called me; we’re going to get him.”

“Jeez, okay, yeah. I’m coming.”   
  
“South side of the compound. Step on it, Rogers.”

-

Tony still doesn’t know how he let this happen. This is his fault. If he never brought Peter to Germany two years ago, the kid wouldn’t be lying in his arms on a fucking alien planet right now, breathing heavily.

“You’re alright,” Tony says, holding Peter tightly. He stares, wide-eyed, at nothing while Peter sobs into his shoulder.

“I don’t wanna go. Please, Mr. Stark, I don’t wanna go.”   
  
“Jesus.” Peter lets go of Tony, and Tony eases him onto his back. He’s staring up at his mentor with tear-stained cheeks and Tony knows that the universe really is unfair now. Peter is his kid; he’s the only one he’ll ever have with Steve gone, and he’s going to be gone in a matter of seconds. Tony will be alone on Titan, because knowing his luck, he won’t be lucky enough to die. No, he’s going to suffer. He’s going to spend the next God-knows-how-long replaying the look of terror in Peter’s eyes. He can’t even cry. He’s too scared.

“I’m sorry,” Peter says, and then he looks up and stares beyond Tony at the red sky before turning to ash.

-

After the Snap, Tony doesn’t know how much time he spends on Titan alone. He spends most of it staring at the sky with tears in his eyes, thinking about all the ways he failed that led him to this. There’s no more anger to feel towards Steve or anyone else, only toward himself. He’s so sad, which is something he’s never really let himself admit to feeling. Once he feels the despair, all of the rage above it melts away. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Time passes painfully slowly here until he finally stares up and sees a distant ship lowering toward the surface. He doesn’t even know how to feel at first; he’s waited so long for this. By the time the ship lands on the surface no more than a hundred meters from him, Tony is sobbing from relief, but also a little bit from grief. He has to go back now to an Earth that’s completely different. Who even knows how much will be ruined? Will he still have Pepper? Rhodey? Were they killed by Thanos? How would he survive a world without them?   
  
Is Steve dead?

He cries even harder when Rhodey steps off of the ship, and then he’s running, throwing himself on his best friend and dissolving into pure sorrow. His heart hasn’t stopped aching since the moment he realized Peter was on the ship, and it aches even more now. He can’t breathe for the loss he feels, but he is unspeakably comforted to know that he has his Rhodey.   
  
“Oh, Tony,” Rhodey says breathlessly, and Tony thinks he may suffocate for how tight his friend is holding him. “Oh, God, we all missed you so much. We’ve been looking for you for months.”   
  
“Rhodey.” Tony sobs, and then he screams, unable to contain his agony. “Rhodey, Rhodey, Rhodey.”   
  
He can’t say anything else.

“It’s okay, Tones. You’re okay now. Come on, let’s get you home, buddy. Pepper is waiting on the ship.” Tony nearly chokes on his relief, on the joy he feels that Pepper is alive. He stumbles beside Rhodey onto the ship and breathes a sigh of comfort at how much easier it is to breathe on here.

“I couldn’t save him,” Tony sobs, breathing ragged. “God, Rhodey. Oh my God, he’s dead. He died because of me. They all died because of me. Oh, Peter.”   
  
“Tony, breathe, please.” Pepper pushes him into a seated position on the floor, and then she’s on him, hugging him like it’s been decades. “Please, Jesus, breathe. Tony, it’s okay. Peter is okay. They’re all okay, honey. Please stay with me, you’re gonna pass out if you don’t calm down.”   
  
“What do you mean they’re okay?” Tony heaves. “They’re not okay, Pep. He turned to dust in my arms. Oh, God. Please let May kill me.”   
  
“Tony, I’m begging you. You need to calm down. They’re okay. The Avengers killed Thanos. Everyone is back home safe.”   
  
“Peter?” Tony asks breathlessly, finally calming down a bit.

“Yeah,” she says, voice filled with joy and smile wide. “Yeah, Tony, Peter is okay. He’s been home for two months now. He’s safe. He wanted to come with us, but obviously we said no. Told him he’d get to see that old, wrinkly face soon enough.”   
  
“How long has it been?”   
  
“Months, God,” Rhodey cuts in, and he breaks out in his own smile. “God, Tony, you have no idea how long it took us to find you. It’s been six months.”

“Six months,” he repeats, disbelieving.

“Yes. But you’re going home now. Trust me, it’ll be one hell of a welcome-home party.”

-

Needless to say, what Rhodey promises, Rhodey always delivers. Tony gets home, showers, changes into real clothes, and passes out in his bed immediately. He sleeps for thirty hours, but when he wakes up, Peter is sitting by his bed with tears in his eyes and a grin on his face. He immediately tackles Tony in a hug that Tony returns without hesitation.

“I missed you so much, Mr. Stark,” Peter says, and Tony doesn’t say a thing about ‘Mr. Stark’. He’s too overjoyed. Peter is sobbing, and the last time Tony saw him crying, the kid died, so needless to say, this is better. He clings to Peter as tightly as he can manage.

“Man, am I glad to see you, kiddo.”

“I’m sorry I followed you to an alien planet, Mr. Stark. I promise never to do that again.”

“Kid, you can’t make me feel better unless the next words out of your mouth are ‘fuck being a superhero’.”

“Fuck being a superhero. I still haven’t put the suit back on, Mr. Stark. I don’t know if I ever will.”   
  
“That’s okay, buddy. To tell you the truth, every day that you put off the superhero lifestyle saves me a heart attack.”

“Anyway, I’m just here to get you downstairs for your surprise welcome home party.”   
  
“You suck at surprises.”   
  
-

Steve is tapping his foot nervously, ignoring whatever NYT reporter is currently trying to talk to him. He’s been waiting for ten minutes, but it feels like it’s been days. Finally, he sees Tony trailing his intern - Peter, is it? - down the stairs and into the living room. It’s only silent for a moment before the room erupts in cheers, but Tony’s eyes have already met Steve’s, and he’s frozen. Steve gulps and decides that it’s been long enough. He needs to end this now. So he leaves the rather offended reporter and crosses the room until he stops in front of Tony. This man was once his best friend. He still is the love of Steve’s life. They stare at each other in silence for a moment, and then they both speak at once.

“Fuck you, Steve,” Tony says.

At the same time that Steve says, “Fuck you, Tony.”

And then they stare in silence for another moment before bursting into joyful giggles. Steve reaches out a hand.   
  
“Dance with me?” Tony looks shocked, but he smiles.

“I’ve only been waiting two and a half years, Rogers.” His eyes tear up ever so subtly as he takes Steve’s hand and follows him out onto the floor. All eyes are on them, but it just doesn’t matter any more. Steve is crying now, too, and he pulls Tony in as close as he possibly can. They start to sway, and Tony buries his face in Steve’s chest to stifle the sob coming out.

“I missed you so much, Tony,” Steve breathes.

“Don’t you dare ever leave me again,” Tony whisper-shouts. “I mean it, Steve. I’ll cut off your balls. I love you. I love you so much, goddammit.”   
  
“You know I never stopped loving you.”   
  
“Do I know that?”   
  
“I’m so sorry. I love you. I love you so much it hurts.”   
  
“I’m sorry, too, Steve.” Tony looks up at Steve so meaningfully that Steve is floored. He’s frozen by the honesty in his lover’s eyes. “I fucked up, and I lost you. Please forgive me?”   
  
Steve has never seen Tony this vulnerable. He leans down and kisses him hard, because he doesn’t know what to say, and the world stops. When they come back, the room is erupting in cheers once again. Tony grins up at Steve.   
  
“I don’t have a choice, Tony. You know I forgive you. I just hope you forgive me.”


End file.
